Checking In

Master read my last post and while He understands that it was important for me to type that out, He commented on the fact that I haven’t done a truly dynamic based post in a long time. So I told Him that I would do another post. This one has no due date, so it is technically an extra post, although admittedly He is right. My posts have been rather vague and/or mainly have to do with the mundane parts of our lives.

He expects me to get this blog back to where it used to be. A place where He can read what is on my mind in regards to the dynamic. Where I sit with it, things of that nature.

Before adding the second medication only a few short days ago, I was returning to the pattern of saying I want the dynamic but acting the complete opposite. It has been a very long time since that has happened because my meds didn’t stop helping fully until just recently. Looking back, I would say at least over the past month. Perhaps more. Such things are hard for me to tell past looking back only a short while.

Anyway…

Since going back on my second medication it has made a world of difference. I feel closer to Him. I feel like I am back to where I should be. Our dynamic is very important to me. I honestly don’t know how our relationship works without it. And to be frank, I don’t want to know. This is who we are as a couple. This is how we naturally interact. Always have. Granted I have wavered sometimes. (Before I was medicated. Always second guessing myself. I have never doubted Him. Just myself. I know it may not have always seemed that way, but that is how I feel.)

I want to please Him. I want this closer and deeper connection to continue and to grow deeper. I want that feeling I felt right after my medication kicked in fully. Our connection was never, ever gone. It is something that is absolutely impossible to destroy. However, I have neglected it. I feel a knot in my stomach for finally admitting that to myself.

He doesn’t deserve that. We don’t deserve that. I want to be affectionate all the time. I need His guidance. I crave His praise. I long to hear “Good girl” and to be called my pet name more frequently again.

*No Due Date*