This has been a two week time period with ups and downs.
First the ups, then the downs.
I had earned three orgasms. Master was giving me more as a reward than usual in part because of stress relief. I was proud of myself for earning so many. That may sound silly but oh well. Master did tell me that they had to be used quickly or I would lose them and that I was also not allowed to stretch them out over three nights. He would allow me to carry one over but not two. But I was greedy and used all three last night.
First He ate me out which got me off really, really hard to the point that I was trying to catch my breath. After that He entered me and it didn’t take long at all for me to use the second one. As soon as that one was done I asked if I could please be on top. It had been a long time since I had been on top and those orgasms are always, and I do mean always, intense. He allowed it and again I had an earth shattering orgasm. From that point on I was His toy once more. Given the fact that I had three amazing orgasms it was very difficult for me to go back into toy mode. It was oh so tempting to get off once more, especially since He had allowed me to use my three at will rather than having to ask permission to have them. That basically never happens.
He had me on all fours with my upper body propped up on the tips of my fingers, which He always enjoys. He gripped my shoulders tight and fucked me hard before putting light pressure in between my shoulder blades, letting me know that He now wanted my face flat against the mattress while still having my ass in the air. I, of course, obeyed. Shortly after I did that I snaked my arm underneath me and placed two of my fingers in such a way that it was applying pressure to His cock as He slid in and out of me. He growled when I did that. More pressure, more pleasure, more sensation.
After He filled me with His cum I cleaned Him off with my mouth and then we cuddled up and went to sleep. I passed out rather quickly and I think He did too.
We are slowly learning who our real friends are. Master vented to someone we considered a friend we could talk in confidence to. Well, apparently not. That got back to someone else and all hell broke loose. And not only did it get back to people it wasn’t supposed to but it was exaggerated to the point of Master’s jaw dropping when He heard what I was told and questioned about. Master was livid. Especially when the person it got back to basically told me that my husband was lying to my face. Um… excuse you? You think I’m going to believe you over my husband? I think not.
Apparently we thought wrong. Since we started working where we work we thought we had accumulated at least five friends that we could trust with pretty much anything without it getting spread around. That number is now down to two. And we both know that the other two will stay that way because we have trusted them with a lot more than the others and not one word was spoken. It really sucks, but in the long run is good to know.
Master and I discussed it and basically we are back to only trusting family and those two people. Anyone else won’t know any of our business. “Why are you having a bad day?”… Rather than an explanation they will get, “Same shit different day.” or something along those lines. Very, very vague.
First the good… then the stressful.
The other night Master was using me and He was rather rough with me. I whimpered and moaned and squirmed. I know that He enjoyed every second of it. Why wouldn’t He? But what sticks with me more than the sex and the pleasure that it brought both of us was what happened after He came. I was on my stomach and He had rested on top of my back which I always find comforting. His cock was still inside me. He leaned His head down in order to nuzzle the back of my head and to also kiss the back of my head. Once He placed that kiss ever so gently He softly said into my ear, “I love you so much.”
My heart skipped a beat and my breath was taken away. I told Him that I love Him too of course. He kissed the back of my head one more time before pulling out and laying next to me before we got up in order to get ready to sleep.
I slept very well that night. In fact we fell asleep facing one another and holding hands.
In other good news I have earned two orgasms by worshiping His cock and giving Him “amazing head” as He put it. I haven’t used them yet though.
I used to enjoy my job. And I was honestly hoping to transfer because of personal issues I am having with my store manager who I thought was my friend. But he lied to me straight to my face both as a friend and as a boss. He denied my transfer and that is one thing. However, when I told him my reasons why he promised to keep it a secret as it had to do with very specific managers and I didn’t want my life to get any harder at work. He promised me not once, but twice, that he wouldn’t tell a soul. I took him at his word because he is supposed to be my friend. I thought everything was okay.
But then two days ago one of the managers I named walked straight up to me and asked me why I don’t like him anymore. I played dumb and asked what he was talking about. He told me that another manager (one I had also named) told him. So I immediately sent a text to my boss/friend (hereafter known as K) asking how the fuck this manager had found out as the only other person I had told was my Husband. Only seconds after the text K calls me and told me that my Husband had told someone at the store he works with and that person told his girlfriend who just so happens to be one of the managers I named as part of the reason I want to transfer. That manager told the one who approached me.
So let’s see here. Do I believe someone I have only known for a year or a man that I love and have shared everything with for over thirteen years. I was so livid I felt like I was vibrating. Especially after K told me that we would be friends no matter what and to just tell everyone that I’m not going anywhere and it was all rumor. So you also want me to make my Husband look like a liar because you won’t own up to the fact that you betrayed me? I don’t think so.
Instead I will tell everyone that I am not transferring and leave it at that. Why? Because I’m not. I was so hell bent on doing so but now I see that there is no way of winning this. And there is also no way of getting away from any of the bullshit because my boss’ boss is also the other store’s boss.
The other store, the one my Husband works at, is ran by our friend C. He wanted me at this store very much. In fact I am helping him at his store both last night and tonight. As a result I am working twelve days straight. Only six more days until my next day off.
But when I got home from work last night, at 2:30 a.m., Master and I had a very long discussion and I told Him that I just want out of the company all together. My next job will need to have similar pay and hours but I am willing to take a slight pay cut to get out of there. Master supports me in my decision. It meant the world to me.
So I sent a message to C telling him this. I was hoping that he would not be mad at me. He sent me a message back telling me that he understands that I need to do what is best for me and mine and that he would never be mad at me as long as we are still family. I promised that nothing would change that. He is a close and dear friend that I look to like a brother.
I thought I could look at K that way as well. But with that simple motion of his lips to another forsaking a promise to me he has written himself out of that. And there is no way of him wiggling himself back in. That door is slammed shut and locked.
Does this mean that I won’t play along at work? No. After all, I am trying to keep my life as stress free as possible. So playing along while I search for a new job is important. Although I got my paycheck and my raise still isn’t on there. So I sent him a text and he told me it will definitely be on the next one. *sigh* It better be or I am going to be pissed.
I started this blog post yesterday but I had to stop in the middle of it because I had to run and get Master from work since I had the car. So I am finishing it now, on it’s actual due date.
Master has been very understanding and supportive of all of this. Tonight I will also be dressing up for Him so as soon as I am done with this post I’m going to dig around and find something to wear. I just need new lingerie, which I have said before but lets be honest… Such things aren’t cheap and right now the purse strings are tight.
I did promise Master that I am done jumping when K asks. I am not doing any favors for anyone at that store unless it is a very select few. One is my brother, another is my mom, and the last one is our friend H.
I got some things done today with the help of borrowing a car since Master has ours. I was able to deposit His check, do some very minor grocery shopping, paying rent, and start the laundry that Master asked me to do. Now I am going to try and relax.
I actually forgot that I had already done a post for this due date but Master insisted that I do a post today. I figured that I hadn’t done one and I don’t think He remembered I had done one either.. so here we are. I will have to let Him know that I had one already so He reads both.
Okay, so my no orgasms punishment was until August. However, I fucked up again… about the same damn thing!… and now my punishment is extended until October. *gasp*
However, Master is implementing a reward system within this punishment.
He likes to let me know some things via messages so that they are traceable. Makes sense to me. His last message is as follows:
No idea how you’re doing in terms of soreness or being pent up but it came to me while thinking the original punishment was for two months then a few weeks into it you tacked on another two months by my count that means nothing for you until 10-21-16 it was originally 8-21-16 but add another two and well there you are.
So ways to earn back an orgasm or two…
1. Cock worship turning to blowjob would be worth one or two later in the night.
2. Dress up without it being the appointed night and put some thought into it like last time and you could earn back a nights worth.
3. And of course to wipe the slate clean all you need do is beg like a good girl to take it up the ass, fulfill such and you may cum as you like for that time and wipe your slate clean.
These are offers/ideas on how to institute further the reward/punishment system. They are not mandatory merely suggestions, up to you if you follow them or not I’m just providing options.
So… there is that. In fact I earned an orgasm last night! How? By cock worship. It didn’t end in a blowjob because that wasn’t His mood but apparently I worshiped His cock in the correct way because even though it didn’t end with a shot of cum down my throat I still earned the reward.
He has given me an out, as you can plainly see. It isn’t that I’m not pent up enough, or not sore enough, or anything along those lines. I honestly don’t know why I haven’t asked. That message is from 07/11/16. So not all that long ago really. I know that sooner or later I will ask.
I am to dress up tonight and I think I have picked out a good outfit. Of course He’ll be the judge of that. I need new lingerie. If it wasn’t so damn expensive this wouldn’t be an issue.
First, I would like to say that I was rewarded not that long ago. Master had me dress up and I knew in advance that I was to do it. So while He was at work I dug through what I have and put an outfit together out of mix match items that I have rather than just putting on a one piece and calling it done.
I chose a pair of fishnets that attach to a piece of fabric that goes around my waist, a really, really short mini skirt, a see through mesh shirt, and a pair of heels. When I walked out dressed like that I could tell that Master was pleased immediately. He pulled me to Him and ran His hands all over my body, although admittedly more over my ass than anything. He told me that I had pleased Him by putting some thought into the outfit. We went to the bedroom where He had me take the heels off.
Sometimes He has me keep them on but not that night. I was rewarded by being eaten out and allowed to cum. However, that was the only orgasm I was allowed. Not that I am complaining. I got off really hard and as a result I had a wonderful body buzz going on the rest of the night which made not getting off more difficult during sex. Again, I’m not complaining.
During sex He had hitched up my skirt and also my shirt so that every thing was on display and He could watch both my tits bounce as well as His cock going in and out of me. I know for a fact that He finds it hotter when I have “clothes” on that He has to move in order to see such things. He praised me about being a good girl and putting on a show for Him. It was an amazing night and we both slept very well afterwards.
Now onto the bipolar part…
I take my medication exactly how I am supposed to every single night. I don’t miss one dose. However, medication is not a cure and sometimes things still sneak out. It started yesterday. I have been in a down mood. Not depressed. Just down. Where everything just kind of happens and I don’t really have a response to it. Last night Master kept making me laugh which made me feel better but it went straight back down shortly there after.
Just because there are small breaks in it doesn’t mean it’s not still there waiting to surface. This makes a customer service based job, such as the one I have, difficult. If I am manic it makes the day go by faster. But when I feel down like this it makes the entire day feel like it is taking forever and all I can think about it going home and not having to deal with much at all.
Another way it makes my job difficult is because I’m supposed to sound happy to help them. Service with a smile and all that. But it is hard to fake that sometimes in this kind of mood. I did my best and I will do my best again tonight. The benefit to closing when I am like this is that after 10pm I only have to deal with customers through drive thru and no one really face to face except when I am taking their money and handing out food. There is a degree of separation that helps.
I do my best to act like myself at work. I don’t need the thousand and one “What’s wrong?” from people I don’t even care about. It’s one thing when it’s a genuine question and it’s another thing when is from people who actually give a damn. Why? Because rather than my answer being honest my answer wants to be, “What the fuck does it matter to you?”
I know that this feeling will go away within a couple of days. I just have to ride it out until that point.
At some point last week Master had mentioned that He wanted a blow job. I of course was willing but after work I was so damn tired that it slipped my mind. Not once, but three times. He had not brought it up again because He was waiting for me to initiate it. He does that sometimes. He waits for me to initiate things. He can always order me to do that but sometimes that isn’t His mood. I know what I am supposed to do so He waits for me to do it.
So yeah… three days right in a row. On the third day I promised that I would. But that night at work I was ultra stressed out from the night and tired to the point where I passed out. Needless to say I was in trouble. He is a very understanding Master but three days in a row knowing full well what is expected of me is… bad to say the least.
As a result He decided to punish me. No orgasms for two months. Two months. We had a discussion not that long ago about how we need to get this dynamic back on track and obviously this was one hell of a way to do so.
We had a talk last night about how I thought perhaps we could have a more structured punishment system.
First offense equals (enter whatever here).
Second offense equals (enter whatever here).
Something where I know damn well what is coming if I don’t do what I am supposed to do. I was honest and told Him that I thought that two months was a bit excessive. I wasn’t trying to top from the bottom. Master has always encouraged me to speak my mind openly and honestly. So that is exactly what I did.
During the discussion He saw where I was coming from. He told me very bluntly that it was that long of a punishment because He wanted to basically kick my mental doors in and go, “Pay attention bitch.” And I did. It caught my attention really fucking fast. I have been better.
After the discussion He asked if I understood what He was saying and if I felt better after the conversation. I did. He didn’t set down a structured punishment system or anything along those lines but I felt better knowing that I had been honest with Him.
We fucked. He made my pussy hurt to the point where I was pretty close to cramping. However, what caught me by surprise was that He ordered me to cum. Wait a minute here. He said two months. Was this a test? I wasn’t sure what to do. Was I going to get in trouble if I got off? Or was I going to get in trouble if I didn’t cum because it was a direct order?
I decided on the latter and so I got off. Hard. He said that He wanted a wetter hole to fuck and He most certainly got that. After I got off He propped my hips up as I was laying flat on my stomach. But instead of the usual one pillow He used two, placing my hips up even higher. That is when I started to feel like I was on the verge of cramping. Not the most comfortable sensation but at the same time I enjoyed it because I’m a sick bitch like that.
Once He got off I was told to clean His cock. I did but it quickly turned into cock worship. I don’t know how long I was down there. All I knew is that Master was really enjoying it and I didn’t stop until my jaw started to ache.
I slept really well last night. I have a feeling that we will be having more in depth conversations over the next few days/weeks. He wants me to get back to where I should be and I am trying like hell to do so.
Master has never been a fan of His birthday. He hasn’t wanted to celebrate with anyone outside of myself in years. And even celebrating with me has been minimal. I’m not complaining.. it is what it is. But this past week we were able to get all of our friends, and my brother, together with us. So we all hit up a bar. He hasn’t drank that much in a long time and it was an awesome time. I had one shot with everyone in order to celebrate but other than that I stuck with soda. It was fun watching Master getting tipsy/drunk. Not drunk in a sick, bed spins, kind of way. But it was an amazing time. We left around midnight.
I am very glad that we were able to go out. S was buying him drinks and shots all night. Damn enabler that he is. *laughs* But he was worse off than Master. Much worse off. I’m just glad that we could all get together, which is basically impossible with all of our whacked out schedules, and that Master had a lot of fun.
His birthday is actually the date that my post is due. Yep, this upcoming Friday. And for some reason I view His birthday almost with the same amount of fondness that I do with our anniversary. Almost.
But every year that goes by I realize how much I love Him even more than I did the year before. He is so fucking handsome and sexy. He is so good to me and He leaves no doubts that He is still in love with me and that I am His. He isn’t afraid to show emotion or affection with me.
He is going to be 41 years old and He looks just as good as He did when I first met Him when He was 27. I have to admit that His looks have changed quite a bit over the years. His hair styles especially. From long hair to bald to short hair to buzz cut and anywhere in between. He has lost a lot of weight over the years as well. Not that that part matters to me. But it makes Him happy and that is all that matters. I found Him sexy when He weighed more and I find Him just as sexy now.
Personality wise He is the same man. If anything, He has calmed down a little bit. Not in a bad way mind you. *shrugs*
I love my Husband so much. I don’t think anyone but Him understands how much.
This post isn’t counting as one of my “due date” posts. I already did one for the 06/03 due date. But I don’t want this counting as one for my next due date of 06/17. Why? Because it is partially work/friendship related and so I don’t want it to count.
There has been a lot of bullshit happening at work. And sometimes it gets the better of me. I still do my job and I feel that I do it well. It is also getting to Master but regardless of that He still does His job and does it well. Although He is more vocal about it, to be honest.
The down side of being friends with your higher ups at work is that it kind of blends together. I do my best to not allow work related issues with said people to effect the personal friendship side of things. It is difficult sometimes. But I seem to have an easier time doing so than Master.
My boss is a friend of mine and he is really the one that everyone is getting pissed off at. I know that it is effecting the friendship between Master and him. At least on Master’s side. I am trying to not allow it to bleed over. However, our other friend that is just under him is also pissing me off to a degree at work and I am not allowing that to bleed over.
Things at work are so damn scattered and it is causing our big boss and the one right under him to have a pissing match. To be honest I think it is more on the one right under him, hence why he is pissing me off. Starting a pissing match because you are mad hurts everyone.
To make life easier right now for this post the big boss with be “S” and the one right under him will be “T”.
So, T feels like S isn’t doing as good of a job as he is and isn’t working as hard as he is. S finds out about it and then the pissing match begins. I try my best to not get in the middle of it. I really do. I listen to both sides but I do not take sides when speaking to them. I am Switzerland.
T might be getting his own store. I know that he wants to take both myself and my husband with him to the other store. I was on the fence for a long time. Right now I don’t have any travel costs so it literally all goes towards bills and other things without having to worry about putting gas in the car or more frequent oil changes. However, one day I was so pissed off that I decided fuck it, I’ll go with T. It mainly has to do with one person at work. This one manager that I absolutely cannot stand. She gets away with everything. I have brought it up to S many times and there seems to be nothing done about it. At least nothing that I can see. And honestly at that time it was the tipping point of me wanting to transfer with T.
But now that I have calmed down…. I think I will stay where I am. It is not out of loyalty to one or the other. It is purely a business decision of travel costs. Especially if Master and I were both to go with T. And we only have one car. In the winter it will be a bitch and I do not miss having to drive to work and deal with traffic, cleaning off the car, paying for gas, more frequent oil changes, or anything like that. I can understand if Master wants to go. I really can. And only having to worry about one of us traveling makes a lot more sense than both of us.
And regardless of my decision if one of them were to allow it to effect our relationship that is on them and not me. As I said I am looking at this from a purely business point of view. And regardless of what store I go to/stay with there will always be drama. There will always be people who get away with murder and there will always be something that/someone who pisses me off to know end.
Plus all of that is assuming that S and T’s higher ups allow such things to happen honestly. They can force any of us to transfer just as easily as they can refuse our transfer. T told Master that if they refuse the transfer then all he would have to do is quit at our store and then reapply and T would hire him at his store. Again… assuming it is okay with the higher ups. They could easily tell T no and then where does that leave us? Jobless.
When I said I would transfer with T it was a gut decision. I was pissed off and I just.. opened my mouth.
Honestly until it becomes an issue I won’t be worrying about it.
S and I had a talk today and there are things behind the scenes that no one is privy to and I know it. A lot of the stuff that he is getting blamed for is… well… not up to him. It isn’t even up to the guy above him. It is up to the guy above that guy. So basically two levels up is fucking us over while spreading us thin and expecting us to still run perfectly and getting pissed off when we aren’t. Hm. I wonder why we aren’t. Fucking moron. He is the type of person who is all about numbers and results. Someone who has no idea how things work outside of numbers.